“Not all who wander are lost.” – J.R.R. Tolkien
I have often been accused of being unfocused. And it is true, focus is something I struggle with. (I am sure there are some who would say I suffer from ADD or ADHD, but I’m not sure I agree.) I am a wanderer. An Explorer. I feel much like the Rangers in the works of J.R.R. Tolkien. Living in the wilds. Traveling from place to place. Helping some. Defending some. Fighting evil and/or monsters. And exploring the hidden treasures of the world missed by many on the main path.
Much like the Rangers, I have had some great adventures. I’ve gotten in over my head more than once. And I have experienced more life than many of the people I know who have stayed on the main roads.
In the end, I feel like I am destine for more, but I never quite achieving it.
I’ve never seen this as a weakness, but it has it’s downside. I don’t have a lot of close friends. In fact, I can count my close friends on one hand. And I have rarely excelled at anything. I try something. Do it for a while and move on (usually when the challenge is gone or it gets boring). God’s creation, even in it’s fallen state,has so much to offer it is hard to want to stay focused on one thing for any long period of time.
I have had the chance to do a lot as well:
I was a crew member on a fast attack submarine. I have played almost every pen and paper RPG (role playing game) that came out before 1980. I have read (and listened to) dozens of stories. I have created hundreds of shows on a variety of different topics, and entertained so many people. I preached the Gospel of Jesus Christ in a church and on the street. Produce and self-publish two albums of music. Write software professional. Help several business make better use of there data via data warehousing and reporting. Help to run scifi/fantasy/horror/anime fandom conventions and clubs. Tried food and beer and wine from all over the world. Run several small project teams. Acted in Audio Drama. Produced Audio Drama. Inspired others to get into podcasting and to write. Met hundreds of interesting and awesome people. Experienced the joy of marriage. Bowled a 212 game. (I’ve tried and tried for a 300, but apparently it is not meant to be.) And so much more.
In the end I have so many ideas and desire. But sometimes I find I keep falling back on what’s easy rather than take on the greater challenge.
As I have gotten older, my desire to wander has waned a bit. I want to focus more. I want to take on the greater challenge. I am still not that interested in taking the main road but the paths I traverse are run a lot more parallel to it now. In fact, if you watch the line of trees off to your left you might catch a glimpse of me in my dark green cloak and awesome beard.
There are things I want to achieve that are a bigger challenges and will require more focus. I want The Adventures of The Snarky Avenger web comic to be a success. I want to sell some short stories and at least one novel. (I have been publish, I have simply not been paid for any my stories or articles.) I want to interview and spread the word about more awesome authors, artists, and other creative people. And I want to entertain and inspire people with new and interesting stories. Everything else is fluff. Fun fluff but fluff none the less.
I would also like to have more close friends. (Maybe enough that I have to use two hands to count them instead of one.) But I doubt I will ever have a lot of them. I am a loner and a hard person to be friends with. I am not interested the false community offered by social networking. I want people in my life who I can be there for, and who will be there for me. People who will tell the me the truth no matter how much I don’t want to hear it. People who truly care about me.
I have goals and ideas. I like trying new things. I view much of what I do and have done as grand experiments. But the time has come to wander less and focus more.
It is time to take on the great challenge.
It is time to put away childish things.
It is time to find that ever elusive thing I am destine for.
It is time to tell more stories.