My Weekend

I am always amused on Monday mornings how many people ask me questions like “how was your weekend” or “what did you do this weekend”. In most cases, they really don’t care. In fact, they really only expect to say it was fine or I did what I normally do. Most of the time, I can roll with that because my weekends like most peoples are pretty routine, and if we did something really cool we’re going talk about it anyway.

Because of that true lack of interest, I have often wanted to say some shocking like “I shaved a Baboon with sheep shears in an artistic monkey shaving contest and won second place” or that “I flew to LA and hung out with Jacky Chan, Milla Jovovich, and Ron Perlman at a night club called The Crazy Crab” to try and get their attention. Unfortunately, I figure most people wouldn’t notice. They would just go on with their Monday morning routine as normal.

On the other hand, many of you have actually expressed interest in my weekend actives for some unknown reason. (My weekends are really boring most of the time, and last weekend was a pretty typical example.) But since you have express actual interest, I decided to give the run down of last weekend’s events.

Late Friday afternoon my weekend started. I had just reached the top floor of the parking ramp, where I usually park at the Donut Factory, when I heard to tell-tail sound of my friend The Doctor’s TARDIS. The Doctor and his companion Mel greeted me, and they whisked me into the TARDIS with them. After catching up with my friends over tea, we materialized at a secret research facility in deep space being run by the CIA (Celestial Intervention Agency). In his usual manor, and with the help of his companions, The Doctor ended the evil research being done, and he freed the alien test subjects. Problem solved, we headed back, and The Doctor delivered me home with a fresh pizza from Papa Murphy’s Take and Bake. He even arranged for my car to be in my driveway when I got home.

I bid farewell to my friends and went inside the house. Fortunately, my wife had not arrived home yet so I didn’t have to explain to whole TARDIS dropping me off thing. My wife arrived home, and we baked up the pizza. We had a quite dinner. Watched a little TV. And went to bed early.

The next morning we got up. We had breakfast together, eggs and sausage prepared by me, and then I went off to move this blog from to my hosting, and my wife went back to bed.

My wife went to work early in the afternoon, and I drove into town to get a headlight replaced in our Ford Focus (pronouced Fuck-Us). When I got home, my friend Hugh was waiting for me. We had been contacted by a Navel Seal named Logan and Greg Brady. They had send plane to pick us up so we could help with a giant pirahna infestation in Venezuela. We met up with “Dr” Tiffany (yes, the ’80 pop star, now a genetic scientist) in Venezuela, and we went to work. I can’t go into details as the entire operation is classified, but you might have heard about a “hurricane warning” in south Florida. Don’t believe everything the news tells you.

I got back from Venezuela pretty late and went straight to bed.

Sunday morning my wife and I played hooky from church. (Well, I do that most weeks because I really don’t like that church she goes to, so it was a bigger deal for her.) And we headed up to the cities to grab brunch at Granite City. (The brunch was quite good. And there is nothing like having a mug of beer with breakfast.) Unfortunately, we had jumped on another couple’s (who did not show up) reservation and, as we were finishing our meal, two gentlemen show up and accused us blackmailing there boss. After a wild cash through the city, driving a sports car into a river, and a vist to an questionable entertainment establishment we managed, with the help of Marky Mark (AKA Mark Wahlberg), to stop the bad guys and extract ourselves from a rather dangerous situation.

You might be surprised to find out how much more angry people get about reservation jumping than they do about say attempted murder.

Finally, we then headed home and ordered pizza for dinner. My wife had to go to meeting at church that evening, so I sat down to write. I finished a 100 word story for Snark Tank Radio. Shortly, after than I got a call that there had been a zombie incident in Port Gamble. I grabbed my boomstick, anti-bite suit, and machete, and headed off to help out. Fortunately, I was able to put down a number of zombies and help rescue six survivors in only a couple of hours.

After than I headed home. I was really tired when I got home so took a long hot shower, took some pain killers (my back was killing me), and went to bed.

Well that’s my weekend. It was more or less my regular boring weekend routine. Well, Sunday is usually a little quieter, but the weekend before last was kinda crazy as well with that whole dragon incident. I hope you can now see why I really don’ talk about my weekends much.



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