The Beastmaster

“Dar… the gods have put that mark on you, and someday, you’ll find out why. ‘Til then, this mark will be your guide. My sword and my caber will be your trusted companions. Protect Emur, your home. And if anything should happen to me, look for our enemies, the Juns… and you may search for your destiny in the Valley of Aruk.”

The Beastmaster (1982)

The 1980s was a heyday for Fantasy films bringing such classics as Conan The Barbarian (1982), Ladyhawk (1985), and Krull (1983). One of the franchises that got its start in the ‘80s was The Beastmaster franchise. That franchise spawned three films and a TV show. I have seen all three films but I only saw a few episodes of the TV show. Let’s talk about the films.

The Beastmaster (1982)

Starring Marc Singer as Dar the Beastmaster, and supported by Tanya Roberts, John Amos, and Rip Torn; The Beastmaster is a high-budget fantasy, action film. The plot revolves around Dar, who has the ability to communicate with animals, with his animal and human companion taking on an evil priest and his cult in a quest for revenge for the death of his father and the destruction of his village.

The Beastmaster is a fun ride. Dar sneaks, with the help of his ferret friend, and fights, with the help of his eagle and black lion, his way through the evil priest’s cult. I really liked this film when I was younger and have watched it a few times. I have not seen it recently so I can’t say how it holds up, but it is mostly filled with practical effects and simple sets so I would expect it to hold up reasonably well. I recommend checking it out.

Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time (1991)

In Beastmaster 2, Marc Singer returns as Dar and is joined by Kari Wuhrer and Sarah Douglas. This was also fairly high budget but is ultimately a b-movie in quality. The plot is pretty simple Dar must prevent his evil brother from bringing a nuclear bomb back from a parallel universe, which just happens to be 1991 America, and turning Dar’s home into a radioactive wasteland.

I don’t remember Beastmaster 2 very well. I have seen it but I can’t remember if I saw it in theaters like I did the first film, or if I saw it on video tape or DVD. It is pretty cheesy but enjoyable. If you like cheesy fantasy with lots of action then you should check this film out.

Beastmaster III: The Eye of Braxus (1996)

Marc Singer returns again to play Dar in Beastmaster 3. He stars with Tony Todd, Keith Coulouris, and Casper Van Dien in this made-for-TV movie. This movie was low-budget and pretty rough. The plot involves is fair convoluted but involves Dar trying to save his brother Tal from another empire and prevent that empire from getting control of The Eye of Braxus.

This movie is bad. The story is needlessly complex. The production values are definitely low. And I am of the opinion that this film was made just to generate interest in the franchise again before the launch of the TV series. I can’t recommend it. 

So after that is said above, check out the first movie, The Beastmaster, and skip the other two.

Hell Comes To Frogtown

I recently watched Hell Comes To Frogtown (1988) (for the third time) with some friends. It is a low-budget thrill ride featuring Roddy Piper and Sandahl Bergman. I really enjoy this movie.

The basic plot, warning spoilers ahead, revolves around Sam Hell (played by Roddy Piper). The film is set in a post-apocalyptic future in which fertility is valued over everything else (shades of a Handmaid’s Tale). Sam is found to be fertile after being captured and tortured for unnamed crimes and takes a deal in which he will be exonerated for his crimes if he rescues and impregnates a group of fertile women from a mutant run stronghold, Frogtown. Sam and Spangle (played by Sandahl Bergman), Sam’s handler, infiltrate Frogtown posing as a slave trader and slave. The leader, a frogman mutant, of Frogtown, captures both Sam and Spangle. Sam is sent to be tortured and killed and Spangle is forced to provide erotic services to the leader of Frogtown. Sam escapes and frees Spangle and the other women enslaved by the mutants of Frogtown. They escape and are pursued by the leader and his goons in an armored car. After some fighting, Sam kills the Frogtown leader and returns to fulfill his contract.

I realized this sounds like the plot of a softcore porno but it is not. It is an action-comedy with a small amount of nudity. It is fun and silly and worth a viewing. If you are looking for it online it is available on Tubi for free with ads and YouTube for rent.

Movies, Movies, And More Movies

Found myself on the run again but my motorcycle crashed into a barbed wire fence

I could’ve sworn you were following me in a run away soviet submarine

I saw your face in the rearview mirror, I turn around and your not there

Now I’m trapped in a building and I’m tied to the top

An I’m trying to make it out before the bomb goes off

I think I know, its like id seen it all before

And I think I know

So please keep quiet don’t spoil the ending”

Stuck In A MovieThe Aquabats!

Here is a list of some of my favorite movies. It is not exhaustive, but it is extensive. I decided to put them in release order. I’m going to keep it to only one or two sentences for each movie due to the length of the list. I hope you find this interesting. Enjoy!

The Wolfman (1941) – – Classic Horror

In my opinion, this is the best werewolf movie ever made. Even better than The Howling (1981) which is a great film as well. 

Forbidden Planet (1956) – – Classic Science Fiction

The best science fiction film ever made in my humble opinion. It has action, drama, and a strong message.

Green Slime (1968) – – Science Fiction Horror

Crazy science fiction fun. I watch it whenever I just need a good escape.

Star War: The Empire Strikes Back (1980) – – Science Fiction

The best of the original trilogy. Some much happens in this film.

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) – – Action Adventure

The first of the Indiana Jones films. Saw it in theaters. I still watch it every chance I get.

The Thing (1982) – – Horror

This movie freaked me out and grossed me out at the same time. I love it.

Strange Brew (1983) – – Comedy

I love The Great White North and Bob and Doug McKenzie. This movie is awesome.

Ice Pirates (1984) – – Science Fiction Comedy

A great cast. Lots of fun action. Worth a watch if you can find it.

The Return Of The Living Dead (1985) – – Horror Comedy

Punks vs the undead. There is no better zombie movie.

Night Of The Comet (1984) – – Science Fiction Horror Comedy

Two military brats vs a world of mutants and evil scientists. What could be better?

Big Trouble In Little China (1986) – – Action Fantasy Comedy

Best spoof of Kung Fu movies ever made.

Little Shop Of Horrors (1986) – – Musical Comedy Horror

Technically a remake of The Little Shop Of Horrors (1960), but far superior in every way as far as I am concerned.

Prince Of Darkness (1987) – – Horror

Although it is heretical to the Christian faith, I love this movie. It is a thinking man’s horror.

Die Hard (1988) – – Action

Bruce Willis’ big breakout movie role. It’s not Christmas without a viewing of this film.

Tremors (1990) – – Action Horror

Best American giant monster movie and series. Love the whole franchise. Great cast.

Hudson Hawk (1991) – – Musical Action Comedy

Bruce Willis as a singing thief. What could be better?

Deep Rising (1998) – – Horror

A great sea-borne horror movie. It stars Treat Williams and Kevin J. O’Connor, how could that be better.

The Matrix (1999) – – Science Fiction

Keanu Reeves best film after Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989). No spoilers. Just watch it.

Hellboy (2004) – – Action Horror Comedy

Ron Perlman is one of my favorite actors. Him as Hellboy is a dream come true.

Hot Fuzz (2007) – – Police Comedy

Simon Pegg’s and Nick Frost’s second movie as a team. This is my favorite police comedy.

The Avengers (2012) – – Super Heroes

There is something magical about this movie. None of the other Marvel films eclipse it. 

The Cabin In The Woods (2012) – – Horror

Best horror movie ever made.

Dredd (2012) – – Cyberpunk Action

Judge Dredd as he should be done. Great Movie.

Hellboy (2019) – – Action Horror

Although it does not have Ron Perlman in it, it is still an awesome film. Great cast and story.